Jesus don't want me for a sunbeam[COMPLETED]

[becca abigail faythe]

JESUS DON'T WANT ME FOR A SUNBEAM,
^{cause sunbeams are not made like me.}

[/sup][/font]

^{this post is 382 words long.
it was written for Demetri!.
[Ren] thinks she's doing a good job at faking her happiness.
She is wearing this}

[/font][/sup][/center]

DON'T EXPECT ME CRY FOR ALL THE REASONS YOU HAD TO DIE
^{don't ever ask your love of me.}

Becca had just gotten off of the phone with Demetri and asked him to meet her here at the park. She needed to go over some more funeral plans with him and to let him know she might be pushing the date up since she'd found someone who was willing to give her the pills she'd need. She actually felt sorry for Demetri because she was leaving behind her very best friend to deal with the aftermath but he would be so much better off without her. She sighed softly to herself as she checked her watch and set her legs up on the bench.

Today she wore a simple pair of white and black plaid capris, a blue and black Marilyn Manson shirt, and her signature platform boots. Her choice of jewelry was a matching pair of brass knuckle earrings and necklace. Though her normally extravagant makeup had been toned down to shades of blue and black paired with black lipstick that gave her a spooky, ethereal look. And her bob hair had a small skull cameo bow clipped into it. Passerby gave her a mixture of looks ranging from curious to confused to flat-out glares. But she was going to see Dems today and that made up for it all.

She pulled out her 'funeral planning notebook' from her messenger bag, it was a pretty white spiral notebook/journal with a Victorian Goth girl on the front. With a pencil in hand she began reviewing her latest batch of notes. She had decided on location, graveyard, casket, had figured out who she wanted to speak, she'd begun working on her will. She had everything except the outfit and music picked out, though she would like Dems to play something at it for her.

She heard a group of kids snicker at they walked by her but she just sat up straighter, determined to not let them bug her today. She was going to be just as happy when Dems got there since she hadn't seen him in over a week. It was about time for him to arrive, checking her watch once again. Hopefully he'd be just as happy to see her. That boy was her best friend for a reason. An actual legitimately happy smile crept over her lips.

DON'T EXPECT ME TO CRY

[/SIZE]

CREDIT TO SUPER ECHO?! OF CAUTION 2.0. SHE ROCKS MY LIFE, SO I WON'T DARE STEAL FROM HER UNLESS I WANNA GET MY SPLEEN PULLED OUT THROUGH MY EAR. LYRICS BELONG TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNER(S). TOODLE-LOO!

[/font]

[demetri james rosswell]

Demetri rolled up in his dark car stretching as he stepped out. Today he wore basic black jeans with a orange top. He looked around for Becca, he was meeting her today for more "funereal plans" The thought of her dieing made him want to cry, but he sucked it up and continued looking for her. After a second he spotted her sitting on the bench a distance away. She was staring down at her notebook, he didn't even have to look at it to know it was her funereal book. Demetri loved this girl, but sometimes she was too much, he rolled his eyes and made his way to her.

Just like everywhere else she went, Becca was drawing a crowd, but how could she not? It was mostly kid's though. Demetri was also drawing a crowd. It was probably his neon green and pink hair that did it this time, he only died it every other week.Demetri finally made it to Becca, and he walked right in front of her, she obviously deep in thought her pen scratching away. She closed her notebook simply by pressing the two sides. "Excuse me but is there any chance you could give me the time of day?" Demetri smirked, looking down at her.

[becca abigail faythe]

JESUS DON'T WANT ME FOR A SUNBEAM,
^{cause sunbeams are not made like me.}

[/sup][/font]

^{this post is 382 words long.
it was written for Demetri!.
[Ren] thinks she's doing a good job at faking her happiness.
She is wearing this}

[/font][/sup][/center]

DON'T EXPECT ME CRY FOR ALL THE REASONS YOU HAD TO DIE
^{don't ever ask your love of me.}

Becca had begun to grow weary of the crowds passing by and making the same old stupid comments. It was definitely going to be worth missing a few things if she got to move her funeral up and be done with it all. She sat silently fuming at the last group that made some very nasty comments about her. Finally she dug around through her messenger bag and slipped on some sunglasses. She figured at the very least she could hide the anger in her eyes if she couldn't squish it. And the sun was almost directly overhead anyway.

Becca continued scratching down plans in her notebook, tapping one of her combat boots on the bench as she wrote. In terms of music she wanted something...definitely not religious. As much as her dad might protest she wasn't into that sort of thing and could easily do without the 'jesus pep talks' her dad gave her. Eyes widened she thought of one of the perfect songs, 'Jesus Don't Want Me For A Sunbeam' would be a good one for the beginning or middle of the service. Her dad might control her now but she'd get the final say in her funeral preparations, she would see to that. She was so sick of dealing with her dad's crap. There were plenty of other people that needed saving, she was beyond that.

She mused about what other songs she wanted. She debated on throwing in a Marilyn Manson song just to piss her dad off. Skinny Puppies had a few good ones, but none that really fit in with her funeral prep. She'd have to get Dems opinion whenever she showed up. She continued writing out what she'd like to wear and her makeup and such, her eyebrows knitted in concentration.

She didn't even notice Demetri until he closed her book and her attention snapped up, a death-glare pasting itself on her mouth and face until she realized who it was. A big grin easily replaced the previous look and she jumped to her feet, eagerly hugging Demetri around the ribs since he was so much taller than she. She was actually really, really happy to see him for some reason. She stepped back and smiled up at him, her blue eyes still hidden behind the black sunglasses.

"Demetri, I'm so excited to see you. I was worried you weren't gonna show up.." Her voice faltered as she said the last line, but she quickly recovered.

It was really, really weird that she was feeling all fluttery seeing her best friend. She wasn't sure what the feelings were though just chalked them up to bad Chinese food that morning. Becca hugged Demetri again before sitting down and patting the spot next to her on the bench. He had dyed his hair again, this time interesting shades of hot pink and lime green, which suited his pale features.

"I was thinking, I definitely want 'Jesus Don't Want Me For A Sunbeam' by Nirvana played. I think it really fits me and the situation. But I'm not sure about what else to play.." She quickly chattered on about the funeral.

DON'T EXPECT ME TO CRY

[/SIZE]

CREDIT TO SUPER ECHO?! OF CAUTION 2.0. SHE ROCKS MY LIFE, SO I WON'T DARE STEAL FROM HER UNLESS I WANNA GET MY SPLEEN PULLED OUT THROUGH MY EAR. LYRICS BELONG TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNER(S). TOODLE-LOO!

[/font]

[demetri james rosswell]

“Of course I came, Have I ever stood up to you?” Demetri hugged his friend and sat down next to her, his butt hadn’t reached the old bench before she started going on about funereal plans. Demetri loved his longtime friend,(who he hoped would be his friend even longer,) but she sure did know how to talk. “Well if you still insist on going through with this, I know I’m going to play, and that is all.” Does your father approve?” Demetri laughed at his own joke, he knew Beccas father didn’t it was the opposite of what he wanted. Demetri wondered why Beccas father hadn’t done more to stop her.

Demetri stretched his long legs and yawned, closing his eyes tight against the force of it. He had spent all-nighter again and now he paying for it. Rain or shine though he wasn’t going to skip any of the days he had left with her. Demetri was still wasting his day’s hoping to call her bluff, to make her want to live another day, but now he truly believed she was going to go through with it now. He popped his knuckles and left his elbows to rest on the table behind them. The sun glared on his shiny black boots. This was almost annoying now, but he was always going to do stick next to his best friend.

Demetri looked around and notice that even more people were looking at them, and one peculiar kid walked by and gave a rather nasty comment. He scowled and gave the kid the middle finger, people could be stupid, hateful, and to quick to judge. “Some people” Demetri muttered under his breath while shaking his head. He crossed his ankles his black boots thudding against the pavement. Demetri reached across Becca for her notebook, he flipped through the color coded notebook, there was many different sections, each having to do with the blasted funereal. Becca had planned her funereal like many girls her age were planning a future wedding. “So why did you want to meet me today ? And would it be smart to guess it doesn’t have to do with a simple walk in the park?” Demetri closed the notebook slapped it on the table behind them. He already knew it had to do with her funereal.

[becca abigail faythe]

JESUS DON'T WANT ME FOR A SUNBEAM,
^{cause sunbeams are not made like me.}

[/sup][/font]

^{this post is 382 words long.
it was written for Demetri!.
[Ren] thinks she's doing a good job at faking her happiness.
She is wearing this}

[/font][/sup][/center]

DON'T EXPECT ME CRY FOR ALL THE REASONS YOU HAD TO DIE
^{don't ever ask your love of me.}

When Demetri hugged her those confounded butterflies went crazy in her stomach. Again she brushed it off, thinking it was just some stupid flu virus going around. She hadn't been in true love before, only fleeting crushes or hopeless faux-romanances with famous rockstars. She smiled as he spoke, putting one finger next to the bottom left corner of her lip in a mock-thinking pose. She broke out in giggles as she sat down with him.

"Well, there was that one time you stood me up for the seventh grade Valentine's Day dance. But you were sick so you get a pass on that one." Becca joked, sticking her tongue out at him.

“Well if you still insist on going through with this, I know I’m going to play, and that is all.
Does your father approve?”

Becca gave him a very serious and almost irritated face. She sighed, rubbing her temples with her fingers and trying her hardest not to think of her dad. He was so busy with the church that he rarely had time for anyone in the family anymore. And with Becca out of the way that'd be one less thing he'd have to deal with. Becca frowned at herself, wondering why Dems would ask such a question, then she caught the joking tone.

"Mister High-And-Mighty approve of his oldest daughter offing herself? Hardly. Right how he's so busy at that blasted church that sometimes I wonder if I have a dad anymore. But I'll be out of his way soon enough.... But yes, I do want you to play something..spectacular." Becca replied, nodding as if to confirm the plans to herself.


She watched Demetri's long legs stretch out as he yawned, his eyes shut for a moment. She watched as he adjusted his long, thin body comfortably beside her. Becca's mouth curved up in an unintentional smile as she suddenly turned her eyes back down to her notebook, determined not to let him see it. She scooted closer, flipping the notebook open and picking out the pink color-coded tab which signified the music section. She felt the eyes of more people looking at her, her face flaming a delicate shade of pink as someone made a comment about the 'freaky couple'. She would normally have come back with a snarky comment but the fact they thought Dems and she were a couple caught her off gaurd. She'd never even begun to think that people might see them that way.

Demetri suddenly grabbed her funeral planner and she bit back a taunt at him, her eyes narrowing in mock anger as he so carelessly flipped through it. She watched his face, trying to catch his emotions, though only saw a hint of annoyance. She looked down at her own lap as her best friend looked at the plans for the end of her life. She knew he'd be curious and before she could finish the thought he had posed a question.

'So why did you want to meet me today?
And would it be smart to guess it doesn’t have to do with a simple walk in the park?

Becca shook her head, grabbing her notebook as he dropped it on the table behind them. She cradled it to her chest as thought it was a precious peice of her heart, or even a child. She looked down, a hint of sadness in her eyes as she cleared her throat to speak. She looked in Dem's blue eyes and took a deep breath. She wasn't sure how he'd react.

"I heard back from a...friend in the next town over that said she has the pills I need. Apparently she hunted them down faster than I thought she would. So...I'm wanting to move the funeral up a little. I just don't know how much longer I can keep up this charade with everyone and--", Becca's voice broke and she didn't bother gaining composer before finishing, "Oh, Demetri. I wanted to ask you to be there when I do it--take the pills I mean."

She took his hands in her own, her pale blue eyes pleading with him to say yes. She never mentioned to him how she planned to carry out her suicide nor had she bothered to bring up where or with whom she wanted it done. She wanted him there, no she needed him there with her. She wanted her last thoughts and sights to be of him before she passed away. Someone would need to bring about her parents. She knew it was a lot to ask her best friend but she could think of no one else. She felt so utterly alone in this cold, cruel world except for Demetri beside her.

DON'T EXPECT ME TO CRY

[/SIZE]

CREDIT TO SUPER ECHO?! OF CAUTION 2.0. SHE ROCKS MY LIFE, SO I WON'T DARE STEAL FROM HER UNLESS I WANNA GET MY SPLEEN PULLED OUT THROUGH MY EAR. LYRICS BELONG TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNER(S). TOODLE-LOO!

[/font]

[demetri james rosswell]

"Oh, Demetri. I wanted to ask you to be there when I do it--take the pills I mean."

His breathe hitched in his throat, she wanted him.. to be there, when she died? Demetri didn’t know what so say. His throat hitched, he broke out in a cold sweat, and his spine shivered. He looked down at her small hands over his bigger ones. He rubbed his thumb over her tiny hands so frail, so pale and delicate. He looked into the eyes of his best friend, “You want me to be there and not save you??”

Demetri couldn’t imagine not having her around , the thought shattered his soul. Yes he loved his bestie and would go to the end of the world for her, but be there when she died? There was no way. He would save here, call the ambulance carry her to the hospital if he had to. Demetri shook off her hands to put both his arms around her. “I don’t understand.” Demetri was being honest. He really didn’t understand, he sighed. “Of course I guess I’ll be there if you want me to.” If that was her last wish, then Demetri guessed he was going to fulfill it. He had realized he couldn’t call her bluff, so he tried a new tactic, he was going to make her as happy as possible from now on.

Demetri let her go and looked her in the eyes. He might have looked smooth on the outside, but deep down inside he wanted to cry, or scream at her voice his already voiced opinions. He wanted to take her shoulders and shake her, but he knew that would only make it worse.”Your my best friend and if that’s you want for your last wish, Ill do It to make you happy.” He was going to eat those words.

[becca abigail faythe]

JESUS DON'T WANT ME FOR A SUNBEAM,
^{cause sunbeams are not made like me.}

[/sup][/font]

^{this post is 382 words long.
it was written for Demetri!.
[Ren] thinks she has the best friend in the entire universe.
She is wearing this}

[/font][/sup][/center]

DON'T EXPECT ME CRY FOR ALL THE REASONS YOU HAD TO DIE
^{don't ever ask your love of me.}

When Demetri seemed to shut down before her eyes Becca bit her lip, cowering down on the bench. She was worried about this reaction. She saw the cold sweat break out on him, that faint shiver down his spine. Becca felt his thumb gently rubbing her hand and looked down with a sad smile. She fought back the urge to cry at the pain she was causing him. She didn't know what his reaction would be, somehow she thought it would all be okay. That he would be...ethusiatic? No, but at least accepting. Then he spoke, he asked her a question.

'You want me to be there and not save you??'

"Demetri...I'm beyond saving now." Becca's voice cracked.

The first real vulnerable emotion she'd shown in months appeared on her body. Her blue eyes seemed to betray all the pain and hurt she'd been feeling, her shoulders slumped in defeat. Her face seemed to crumple like a used tissue, her color blanched. She looked at Demetri, determined she wouldn't cry though silent tears ran down her face. She gripped his hands tighter in her own, her shoulders shivering in threat of the pain coming through. She looked ashamedly into her lap, she wouldn't meet his eyes and let him see the pain, no not just yet.

'I don’t understand.
Of course I guess I’ll be there if you want me to.'

She couldn't restrain herself but launched herself at Demetri and held tightly onto his neck. She hugged him with all of the love she still had left in her, her frail shoulders shaking as she convulsed into sobs. She had the best friend anyone could ever ask for and she suddenly felt very selfish for hurting him. But he would be so much better without her, everyone's lives would get better. He could find someone to love him, someone he could spend his life with. And her parents could stop worrying, her sister could stop having to live in the shadow of her mentally broken sister, the bullies wouldn't have to worry about making fun of her. She wouldn't hurt anymore, the pain would cease to exist.

'Your my best friend and if that’s you want for your last wish, I'll do It to make you happy'

"Oh, Demetri. You don't know how happy you've made me already. I promise it will be so much better when I am gone.." Tears ran down her face, streaking her black makeup, as she looked into his eyes.

Becca knew this would be hard for all parties involved, but she could see no way around it. There was no one there to love her, except Demetri of course, no reason for her to live anymore. The funeral preperations had been made, her pill dealer had been contacted, she would be venturing into the next town over to make her purchases tomorrow. Then over the weekened everything would be right in the world. She leaned up and kissed Demetri on the cheek before sitting back in her own spot on the bench and biting her lower lip to keep from crying again. Yes, it would all be over soon enough. She wouldn't burden everyone much longer.

Becca looked at Demetri and tried to smile though doubted it came across as such. She absently ran her fingers over the healed scars on her arms, her last failed suicide attempt back in eighth grade. Demetri had been on vacation when it happened and when he came back she'd been locked away in a nut house for a month. Now everything was planned out to a T, nothing could possibly go wrong this time. She just wished things could have ended up different for everyone. Maybe if she had been born into a better life, or at least a less painful one, she and Demetri could have been together. Wait...did she just think that? Why, of all the times, was she suddenly noticing the pain in his voice. The way he moved so gracefully, the beautiful color of his eyes, the delicate curve of his lips. She mentally cursed herself for what she thought she was feeling. Love. She was falling for her best friend.

DON'T EXPECT ME TO CRY

[/SIZE]

CREDIT TO SUPER ECHO?! OF CAUTION 2.0. SHE ROCKS MY LIFE, SO I WON'T DARE STEAL FROM HER UNLESS I WANNA GET MY SPLEEN PULLED OUT THROUGH MY EAR. LYRICS BELONG TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNER(S). TOODLE-LOO!

[/font]

[demetri james rosswell]

Demetri grabbed Becca’s shoulder’s looking dead into both of hers. “You leaving is not going to change anything, once you leave the sky won’t be blue, the grass won’t be green!” He knew it wouldn’t do much, nothing was going through her thick head.”Becca you only have one more year of high school, you do not have to go to college for heaven sake you can move out of your house next year!” Nothing was going to change when she was gone, except Demetri would have no reason to live. “Becca please just think about it.” Demetri let her go and stood up. He ran his fingers through his hair, even though it was pointless because he had barely any left after his last hair-cut. He rubbed his face with his hands. If he was tired, he overly tired now.


He stuck his hand’s in his pocket’s looking at the little kids hanging around, laughing and acting so careless. He envied them, they had no care in the world besides what ice-cream flavor they wanted. Demetri had noticed a crowd had kind of drawn around them. Great, just what he wanted he rolled his eyes and turned back to Becca. She looked so helpless and so tiny, he didn’t understand her, why she wanted to leave him. He looked at her, and almost wanted to cry. He shut his eyes, willing himself not to he couldn’t not in front of her. He was supposed to be strong, her rock, immovable. He didn’t want her to think he didn’t have feelings, of course he did.

“Hold on I have something for you.” He had almost forgotten the present he had gotten her. Demetri jogged to his car, his boots sliding on the gravel under his boots. He slid and sent gravel flying, but before he fell he grabbed his car. He grabbed the tiny case on the side of his seat. It was in a tiny package, it was flat. He had gotten her a necklace. It was a glass rose, with a green stem and a bright red tip. The rose part stuck straight up, and it had her initial on it. The whole necklace was complete with a silver chain, he had put the necklace in a tiny flat box he had from his moms jewelry. Once he got to her he handed it to her, and sat down and waited for her to open it.

[becca abigail faythe]

JESUS DON'T WANT ME FOR A SUNBEAM,
^{cause sunbeams are not made like me.}

[/sup][/font]

^{this post was written for Demetri!.
Becca thinks she is feeling something she's never felt before.
She is wearing this}

[/font][/sup][/center]

DON'T EXPECT ME CRY FOR ALL THE REASONS YOU HAD TO DIE
^{don't ever ask your love of me.}

When Demetri grabbed her shoulders Becca let out a pitiful squeak. His sad, blue eyes were looking dead into her own and she visibly squirmed under his gaze. Her lower lip quivered, threatening to betray the pain and mental anguish it was causing her to see him like this. She was trying to avoid hurting people, she was trying to leave the world and make it a better place.

'You leaving is not going to change anything, once you leave the sky won’t be blue, the grass won’t be green!' From a logical standpoint, which Becca tried to avoid at all costs, this made no sense. But from an emotional standpoint it just seemed like another ploy to make her live another life of hell. But the conviction in Dem's voice betrayed something deeper.

'Becca you only have one more year of high school, you do not have to go to college for heaven sake you can move out of your house next year!
Becca please just think about it.' When he spoke Becca just listened with a wounded but slightly neutral expression on her face.

Becca about cried out when Demetri stood up so quickly, running his fingers through his short hair. She didn't want him to run away from her, she needed him more than words could ever say. She didn't just want him around when she passed on, she needed him there like she needed air to breathe. Like she needed the sun to rise, hell he was the only reason the sun rose anymore. If it weren't for Demetri she would never have had the courage to try to carry on this long. Becca's blue eyes were filled to the brim with tears as she tried to find her voice. The tired look on his face made her realize just how much this situation had taken a toll on him.

Demetri looked around and Becca stared into her lap, her frail shoulder shivering as she silently cried. Her heart was breaking into a thousand pieces, her world was shattering around her and the sounds of the park seemed to be too much. An anxiety attack twisted and turned in her chest, her hands shaking from the effort of not breaking in half right there. She absently heard Demetri tell her to hold on, though she took it as just another plea. The sound of his boots scrabbling over the gravel made her head hurt and she closed her blue eyes, trying to steady her breathing.

Before she had time to complete the cycle of her mental breakdown Becca heard his boots thudding back in her direction. The bench moved as he sat down and she heard his breathing as if he were right against her eardrum. He had something in his hands, a black velvet box. Her body moved of it's own accord, taking the box in her hands and turning it over. She looked up at Demetri and then back down to the box, as though her brain had ceased to function. After staring at it for a few moments longer she carefully opened it, her breath catching in her throat. Tears streamed down her face again as she ran her fingers over her gift.

The necklace was a delicate glass rose, accented with a green stem and crimson colored petals. She let her pale fingers trace the B engraved onto the rose. It had to have cost a fortune, and he spent his money on her. She suddenly heard the sobs escaping her lips as she shakily removed the necklace, clad on a silver chain, from the box. She held it gingerly to her chest as though she held the key to the universe in her hands. Looking up at Demetri she struggled to find the words to express what she was feeling. Though, in truth, she wasn't even sure what she was feeling. She hadn't ever felt this feeling of warmth and..happiness. She wasn't sure what to even call such an emotion. Though she looked at Demetri, carefully laying the necklace back in the box, and hugged him tightly.

"Demetri, it's..beautiful. I don't deserve it..I don't deserve you. Demetri, you're the only reason I've held on this long. I hope you know you are the reason the sun still rises for me every morning. And after I'm--after I'm gone you promise me you'll fall in love..okay? Ca-can you put it on me, please? My hands are shaking." Becca's voice broke for probably the hundreth time that day as she begged him to make the promise to her.

DON'T EXPECT ME TO CRY

[/SIZE]

CREDIT TO SUPER ECHO?! OF CAUTION 2.0. SHE ROCKS MY LIFE, SO I WON'T DARE STEAL FROM HER UNLESS I WANNA GET MY SPLEEN PULLED OUT THROUGH MY EAR. LYRICS BELONG TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNER(S). TOODLE-LOO!

[/font]

[demetri james rosswell]

Ignoring the comment about how she didn't deserve it, Demetri sighed and took the necklace out of Beccas shaking hands, still ignoring her plea. she held up her hair as he tried to get the confounded thing to lock together. That was the downside of having big hands, the lock was almost impossible. He fumbled for a minute, cursing under his breathe, until finally the lock hooked and it was on her. She let her hair fall, in a black tidal fall as it cascaded down her hair. The crimson rose accompanied with its green stem went well with her deep collar bones, and her pale chest. He reached out and turned the rose around, so the letter B stuck out loud and proud. They might not know her name but they will always know what the first letter of it is. It really fitted Becca, Demetri was glad he had picked the rose and not the whale, or the star. The rose was best.


“I can’t promise you that.” He said finally and looked right into her eyes. Her eyes were huge like the saucers his mom use to serve tea on to guest. They were also red from crying. Demetri was tired of all the seriousness and the funeral plans and just about everything else. He was also done with feeling like when she was gone, there would be no one for him to love, or anyone who loved him in return. “You looked stoned Becca.” Demetri laughed at himself and put his hand on her own. “Let’s go do something I’m tired of all these funereal plans and what not, I want some fun!” It was true, he was super tired before, now he was almost a zombie he needed something to pep him up. Demetri lugged Becca off her feet to stand along beside him. “So were shall we go? Maybe a wonderful walk in the forest of crawly things? Or maybe a movie? I think you should pick.” Demetri ran his fingers along his almost nonexistent hair again and looked at the park around them then back to Becca for her decision.

[becca abigail faythe]

JESUS DON'T WANT ME FOR A SUNBEAM,
^{cause sunbeams are not made like me}

[/sup][/font]

^{this post was written for Demetri!.
Becca thinks she is a terrible person for hurting him.
She is wearing this}

[/font][/sup][/center]

DON'T EXPECT ME TO CRY
^{for all the reasons you had to die.}

Becca gently lifted her hair up so he could get the necklace on her. His fingers were so long she couldn't help but smile softly at his akward attempts to fasten the closure. After he finally got it fastened she gently let her hair down, her hand going to touch it at the same time his did and their fingers brushing. She felt a hot feeling creep up her neck and face as their fingers touched, an electrical charge firing off in Becca's chest. She wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand, her makeup smearing off onto her pale, almost transluscent skin.

Her small face crumpled in defeat when Demetri spoke again, though she didn't push it because she'd asked so much of him so much already. She sighed softly, her big eyes looking at Demetri rimmed in red and puffy from crying. She was so tired of crying, so was so..just tired. Demetri seemed tired too, and Becca felt terrible for hurting him like she had. She knew it was taking every ounce of spare energy he had to keep up with her almost obessive planning and the fact she prattled on about dying. Maybe Becca should just go out and do some fun things with him for a while, at least until Saturday. She smiled at him, a reaction she had no control over when she saw him. Though she figured he would take it as her understanding his joke.

'Let’s go do something I’m tired of all these funereal plans and what not, I want some fun!
So were shall we go? Maybe a wonderful walk in the forest of crawly things? Or maybe a movie? I think you should pick.'

Becca dug around in her messenger bag and used a cotton rag to wipe the remaining traces of makeup off of her face and smile again as she touched the glass rose. She nodded before being lugged to her feet by Demetri. She had no strength left as she'd begun eating less and less lately, so it was probably like pulling a rag doll to him. She twerked her lips in a concentrated shape. Tapping her finger lightly on her chin she debated on where they could go. She really wanted Demetri to pick, though as weary as she was she decided that perhaps a walk in the woods would be the best choice. At least they'd be doing something that didn't require either of them to think.

"Let's go for a walk in the woods. Though you might want to be careful, Demmy. The other spiders might try to take you hostage thinking you're the Spider King." She laughed as she playfully poked him in the ribs and stuffed the planner and her pencils into her messenger bag and slinging it over her.

She absently took his hand, needing his strength to keep herself upright. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary, they were so close it wasn't awkward for them to hold hands or for Becca to walk with Dem's arm over her shoulders. She burrowed herself under his arm, letting it delicately drape over her shoulders as she focused on putting one foot infront of the other. It was always nice to walk in the woods, to breathe in the fresh air. Though nature usually had some sort of vendetta against Becca, thanking her stars she had put a first aid kit in Demmy's trunk.

As she walked she silently wondered once more if things would have been different if she were happy. If she even knew what happiness was. Her pale lips curled up in a smile as she toyed with the thought she and Demetri might've been a couple, gone off and got married, had Kindergoths. And then she realized she did know what happiness was. Walking like this with Demetri, his arm over her shoulders, this was happiness. She was happy only when she was with Demetri, it was like the world could collapse and she'd be content sharing her final moments of life with him. And this realization startled her, scared her, made her want to run away. She couldn't be happy, because that would mean she had a reason to live.

DON'T EVER ASK YOUR LOVE OF ME

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CREDIT TO SUPER ECHO?! OF CAUTION 2.0. SHE ROCKS MY LIFE, SO I WON'T DARE STEAL FROM HER UNLESS I WANNA GET MY SPLEEN PULLED OUT THROUGH MY EAR. LYRICS BELONG TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNER(S). TOODLE-LOO!

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