You saved my life (Ryan aka Madness)

[lizzie7]

Lorcan stared out the window biting his lip; freedom was the first thought that ran through his head and the thought of that made him happy but also a little scared. The last few weeks felt like a dream to the seventeen year old, by the time he was ten years old he was abused by his parents. Abused both physically and mentally, and even emotionally, feeling that no one could ever love him and he would be forced to live a life where he would never be loved and never know what love was, but that was all to change thanks to the boy who found his self falling in love with the few the time they spent together. Even though Lorcan spent that time in the hospital, with a cast on his arm, bandages covering other wounds, and tons of bruises and scrapes. Bruises and scrapes that were only now clearly up, leaving a long scar on his cheek, and many others.

Even though he was now free from the abuse, he wasn’t free from the memories that they brought about and he knew he never would be. What he did know though was that the abuse could only make him a stronger person, a type of person that could handle anything life gave them because he was able to handle all that. All the pain in his life he was able to handle it, alone for many years in till he met Ryan. Ryan had really no idea how much he meant to Lorcan, not only as a really good friend, but also as the first person to ever say they loved him. The day he heard those three words “I love you”, even though he was stuck in a hospital bed it was the very best day of his life and now. He found his self in a new home, living with Ryan and his two moms.

Ryan insisted that he did though, no matter how many times Lorcan protested saying that he would only burden them. He knew it was a lot better off that he did though, he had a better way of living and being with someone who loved him. That was even better so after a little protesting he finally gave in and had been there for a few days now, and those few days were great. The feeling of being loved was a great feeling and no longer needing to fear, and to live in fear was one he thought he would never be able to live. Even when he was already moved out of his parent’s home, they were his parents and if he didn’t get out he would be stuck with them forever.

He no longer needed to worry anymore, and for once in a very long time he was actually happy and really happy. There was no need for him to pretend anymore, he knew he could be happy without being judged. Without having to worry about anyone ruining his happiness, and he loved that feeling very much. Closing his eyes he took everything in, he never felt this feeling before, it was new to him. All to new to him, what was it that he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. “I feel safe” he whispered to his self taking a deep breath looking down at his arm. Sure it was in a cast, but that would heal, the scars left behind never would. They could only fade, but he didn’t mind that at all. They were just scars, and everyone got scars. It was what he would just live with, and besides he had a lot of help getting through all this now. He had no need to worry.

(a lot of drabble sorry, got carried away. It's a little bleh, and sucky)

[mad6]

Ryan blissfully walked through his house. Lorcans being around all the time had cheered him up so much every day felt like a dream. Ryan had been spending his time making Lorcan comfortable, trying to make him forget all the bad things that had happened. Ryan loved Lorcan, and he was doing everything he could to make him happy. Ryan stroller through the den humming one of the songs from Grease. He fixed a vase of flowers, fluffed a pillow, he was on cloud nine. Ryan was in ignorant peace. Ryan hummed the end of the song and sat down on his piano bench. Looking at the family pictures graced upon the top of it. There was one of him and his moms, one of his Mothers at there “Wedding” Ryan sighed and touched the pictures delicate frame.


Ryan had insisted that Lorcan move in, his moms would be so much better than Lorcans awful.. Well Ryan didn’t know what to call them, but they weren’t parents. Parents were gentle and kind, not mean and hurtful. Ryan knew that those people earned themselves a special place in Satan’s chamber, and that made Ryan smile again. He sighed and reread the familiar lines on the side of the family picture frame. “ Family, Love, and Joy.” Smiling he looked at a baby picture of himself as a baby, fat and smiling waving a thing of ice cream. The chocolate cone ran around his mouth and off his chin. Messy boy he used to be, now Ryan couldn’t go a day without a shower.


Lorcan had been accepted into the household with open arms and gentle hugs. Ryans parents had no problem with it, but had asked many questions. They asked were he had gotten so many cuts and bruises, the scars and burn marks. Ryan told them everything they needed to know. Ryan had made sure that they wouldn’t talk in the dark, or tell anyone else. Of course him moving in wasn’t all fun, Ryan had to share his room. Which included his vanity and such. Ryan sighed and ran his fingers over the key slightly. His Mom had made sure to make everything ready for Lorcan, and his old double bed was now two twin beds. Ryan had gotten to re-decorate though, so the new beds had a huge silver lining.


Silently he began playing the opening notes to The Beatles “Blackbird” Ryan had taken Piano lessons when he was little to help his singing. Now he could play the piano like an expert and sing like one too.
Ryan belted out the song gleefully. He sang the song with compassion and feeling, barely able to contain himself anymore. Closing his eyes he painted a mental picture of him singing on stage, dancing and singing like he was born to. The lights would be set darker, and he would wear a white button down with balck pants and a vest with gold buttons. Most of all. The fedora, you cant forget the Fedora. Singing was a way for Ryan to let all his emotions out. By the end Ryan had tears in his eyes, and the last note came out wavy. Ryan put his hands in his lap and looked down at the piano. Now he felt empty and his mind wandered back to his Lorcan-love.

[lizzie7]

Lorcan couldn't say he didn't feel horrible for taking over part of Ryan's room, but he did know if he stayed with his parents he had a very little chance of surviving after his stay in the hospital. The abuse was clearly not going to lighten up for the seventeen year old, and he really just had to get out. He would have been killed if he spent another month there and he knew it, in his mind that was the thing that made him decide to just stay with Ryan. He knew if he did, he had a better chance at the life in his head he deserved, a life when he wouldn't have to suffer any longer. No more suffering and no more yelling, he closed his eyes remembering everything his parents ever said to him. It was never positive, and he never once heard the words I love you escape their lips. No to his parents his name wasn't even Lorcan, he was kid, it, bastard child, a tear escaped his eye but he wiped it quickly from his eye.

The cuts and bruises were starting to clear up now, making him look even better then he use to and the many scars he had lingered. The scars and few burn marks that were etched into his skin, those were reminders, of his painful past. Tracing his fingers over one he sighed, scars were scars though, he knew they were there as reminders and he didn't mind that. He wanted to remember his past; he wanted to remember when his parents were gone from this earth why no one would care. He wanted to remember that he would always be better than them, and pain and tears was never the answer to anything. He hated fighting, he hated war, bullies, abusers, murders, he hated them and who ever dared lay a hand on anyone was a monster, his own parents were monsters and he didn't want to be who his parents are. He would never let his self be who his parents are; he would die before he dare allow that. He smiled at the sound of the piano being played and Ryan's singing, his voice always seemed to make Lorcan happy. When he was at the hospital and Ryan sang to him, he was able to just relax a lot easier and he thought Ryan had a great voice.

Lorcan on the other hand knew he couldn't sing, he was a terrible singer and he didn't even try to sing most of the time. He just didn't seem to find it even worth it if he just knew there wasn't any way he was going to get any better, he never did have lessons though and he was fine with that. He just liked listening to people sing, instead of actually singing his self. Walking into the room he stood there just listening to Ryan sing and play, making sure to be quiet of course so he didn't notice his presence and him even being there. When he stopped playing he took a slight breath, seemed to Lorcan Ryan just got better every day. "You seem to get better everyday" he whispered looking down for a minute, he really didn't hope he wasn't intruding. He seemed to be thinking about something, "What are you thinking about?" he added. Yes Lorcan was curious.

[mad6]

Ryan wiped a single tear from his eye. Whenever he thought about his Lorcan-Love he got teary eyed, because he couldn’t help think of those awful parents of his. They weren’t parents they were awful monsters, horrible waste of life. The only think Ryan liked about them was that they had given him his Lorcan. Ryan pressed the keys at random as he thought. Ryan shook his head trying to forget the past. He was doing his best to act tough around Lorcan. Ryan hummed another show tune and played the piano. He played more of The Beatles “ Here comes the sun” was the objective this time, but he only song the chorus.

Ryan looked over when he heard Lorcan enter and smiled at his voice. Ryan stood and made his way to Lorcan and wrapped his arms around him, hardly able to contain herself. “Hello Lorcan-Love. I was just thinking about you actually, don’t you just love it when that happens?” Ryan smiled and let go of Lorcan. Looking into Lorcans eyes Ryan frowned. “ Your upset love, what’s wrong?” Ryan felt like it was his job to make Lorcan one hundred percent happy all the time. Ryan went to impossible lengths to make his Lorcan Love happy and he really didn’t mind it. Every smile made Ryans heart melt and love him even more. Nothing made Ryan happier than to see Lorcan happy.


Ryan took Lorcans hand and led him to the couch. Ryan made him sit as he plopped down next to him, taking his hand in his own. Ryan had the feeling he already knew what was upsetting him. Ryan braced himself his heart beat in his chest. He wanted to make Lorcan happy, but he hardly knew what to do! Ryan hugged Lorcan to him, it was the only thing he knew how to do. Ryan kissed the top of his head, cradling Lorcan gingerly in his arms. Ever since they had gotten back from the hospital, Ryan had treated Lorcan like he was as fragile as a feather. Of course Ryan didn’t treat him like a baby, he was just careful.

[lizzie7]

Lorcan had trouble trying not to cry when he thought of his parents, and what they did to him for all those years. He knew they were awful parents that never cared for him, but they were still his parents and he would always wonder what his life would be like if they did care for him. It was almost always a thought in the back of his mind and he knew his life would probably be a lot better, but a part of him liked it how it is. He had Ryan and Ryan made him happy, and he liked things that way. Looking at Ryan when he wrapped his arms around him he smiled, “oh yes I do actually. You are just thinking and your mind just wanders onto other things, sometimes I found myself thinking about you” he sighed when Ryan noticed he was upset.

This was true, because in a way he was a little upset and he had reason to be in his mind. Lately he was upset a lot, and Ryan was the one thing that made him happy again and just thinking about him was able to make him happy. When he was led to the couch he sat down laying his head on him when he held him close taking a deep breath, “did you know my parents never use to call me by my name. I was always the kid, it, even the bastard child, but I never once heard the name Lorcan escape their lips in the seventeen years I’ve lived so far. The whole time I was with them they hardly bought me anything, the clothes I have I bought or they were old clothes from my dad. As you know already, being with you this is the first time I’ve ever slept on a bed, my room was in the attic and my bed was the floor. It was freezing cold in the winter and breath takingly hot in the summer, I slept outside some days because sleeping up there was impossible and the only window was hardly ever opened” he closed his eyes taking a deep breath.

“I don’t have to worry about anymore, god Ryan thank you like a million times for saving me really. I don’t know what I’d do without you, heck I’d probably be dead without you. So just thank you thank you thank you” he looking up at him before smiling, “you care to much sometimes though” he added nodding.

[mad6]

Ryan silently rocked Lorcan as he told Ryan things he had heard many times before. Spite the fact he had heard it before Ryans eyes still watered and his lips quivered. Ryan rubbed Lorcans arm as he listened waiting for his turn to speak. Ryan wondered how anyone could possibly ever want to hurt his Lorcan-Love, Ryan wanted nothing but to put those awful people on death row, Ryans moms had said they would take them to court for Lorcan but they hadn’t cared what happened to him anyways. As silent tears rolled down his cheeks Ryan couldn’t help but feel so angry! Ryan very rarely got this angry at anyone but right now his blood boiled.

“ Lorcan-love, put everything behind you. Those people are just the foot prints left behind on your path, you’re here now and they wont ever hurt you again. Both my moms love you already, I love you. That’s all that matters now. There’s a room upstairs with a bed big enough for both of us to share air condiontioner galore here, both my mothers hate being to cold or hot, food is always hear when you need it. Last but not least I am always going to be here if you need me. Ryan kissed the top of Lorcans head.

Ryan cleared his throat and sat up, taking Lorcan with him. “ No love, I care about you in just the right amount. Why? Because I really do love you.” Ryan smiled and held Lorcan. Ryan wiped tears in his eyes, and controlled his breathing. Ryan really did love Lorcan, and he hoped everyday Lorcan loved him just as much. Ryan felt like it was job to show Lorcan what love really was, knowing his parents were obviously horrible at it.

[lizzie7]

Lorcan found it hard to be mad at anyone, due to the fact he always seemed to be to forgiving and it was the same thing when it came to his parents because for yeas he really did think he deserved the abuse he got. Of course people who knew him disagreed with that, then again not a lot of people knew he was ever abused since he always hid it so well. Long sleeves worked wonders and so did a lot of cover up, for years he found his self putting on cover up in attempt to hide bruises and if anyone ever hugged him he would tense up and the lies would come out. He always had to tell people that he fell or he hit his arm on something, and the sad thing is people actually believed it. Some people were just oblivious though, and Lorcan was slowly figuring that out. Some people were to oblivious to notice the truth behind the boy’s lies, Lorcan was always in need of help and for years no one gave him any. The all just looked the other way and let the abuse happen, for all those years.

“You know what I don’t understand how people just looked aside and didn’t take notice of the obvious. A person with bruises and cuts, normally a person doesn’t fall that many times in a day and they normally don’t get that hurt when they do fall. I mean when I entered the hospital, I had a bruise on my stomach and broken bones, a fall down the stairs can’t do that much damage to a person but no one was able to come to that. For such a long time I had to lie to people, saying I fell or I bumped into something just to hide what really happened to me and I really did hate having to do that because it wasn’t fair for me having to lie all the time and I wasn’t to tell someone sooner but I was scared to. If the cops were involved I’d be taken from my home and at the time I didn’t want to leave the place I’ve known for so long because that’d mean having to a different state maybe and I’ve been here my whole life” Lorcan took a deep breath snuggling into Ryan taking in the way he smelled.

He smelled good to him, but he couldn’t seem to really explain the smell all he knew was it was a good smell and he really liked it. “I know and I’m glad, never again will I need to ever go hungry and never again will I need to worry about really just about anything anymore and I am happy about that. I hated being scared, I hated having to live in fear, live each day praying I would get hurt that bad. Now I have nothing to fear, thanks to you and I glad that you’re always here for me because I know I’ll need you a lot. When I wake up at night due to a nightmare is one of those reasons” he sighed a little bit, “no Ryan I think you care a bit too much and you also worry a lot too” he shook his head a little.