did i turn out the way you pictured? REN

[arwen winter diesira]

arwen had just gotten back from her therapist, and now after the long two hour appointment, she felt like outter shit. she didn't see how it really helped her out one bit, because whenever she came home, she just wanted to die. she made her way slowly up to her room. all she had on her mind was sleeping, in her big cozy bed. she stepped inside, closing the door, and locking her locks that were on her room. if someone stepped inside, and looked at them, they would think she was crazy. which wasn't truly false. arwen was basically paraniod about everything, with heavy depression, and anxiety. she worried about everything, which then usually brought her into a heavy depression moods. to add to it, arwen had server bipolar disorder.

no one knew when she would snap into a different mood, or when she would change back to another one. she was basically a ticking time bomb. she looked to her bed, and then moved to grab her sweat pants. she placed them on, and then fell back wards on to her bed. she layed there staring at the ceiling, thinking about everything. her therepist just had to bring up everything , that seemed to get to her the most. she looked to her phone, sighing. where was her brother? she had one person that she counted on constanly, and that was her older brother. she flipped it open, and texted her brother.

" i need you, a movie, and a box of max eddy's, and some tissues. please come."

she hit send, and then closed her phone. she was hoping that he wasn't too busy just to stop by and spend atleast an hour with her. but, sometimes he was just too caught up to even do that. she moved up in her bed, cuddling herself into her big comfy bed. she just needed her brother, and some time with him. he was the one thing that made her feel better after these things. she looked to the ceiling, and then a small little whimper escaped from her lips. she had it pretty bad today, and she knew what would make it semi all better. with all these therapist, and doctors trying to announce more problems with her, she was about to go crazy with it. she needed to escape, to feel something other than cold gloved hands on her skin.

she looked to her draw, where she kept many things that seemed to help her through out the day. one was her anxiety pills, two was her dairy, and three was her razor. yes, arwen had a pretty bad time with cutting herself. sometimes, she wasn't sure if she could stop, but other times, she was sure she could. she looked away, closing her eyes to stop the tears from coming out of her crystal blue eyes. she didn't need this... she just needed someone to make her feel better.

[nivek alestaire diesira]

WHATEVER DOESN'T KILL YOU
is gonna leave a scar

Nivek had been taking a nap on the couch in the small apartment he and Cyan shared. Today he had been so depressed he refused to get out of the bed this morning and last he was aware of Cyan had stormed off. His blue eyes fluttered open as he heard his phone buzzing. Rolling over slowly he grabbed it off of the coffee table and looked blearily at the screen. It was a text from Arwen, his baby sister. He flipped his phone open, his eyes scanning the message. 'i need you, a movie, and a box of max eddy's, and some tissues. please come.' Shit, he totally forgot today was one of Arwen's therapy appointments. Nivek sighed, leaning his arm against his forehead to gather his thoughts before he texted her back.

'n e thing for u sis, ill be there asap, love u bunches!'

He rolled up into a sitting position. God, if it weren't for his sisters he would be so alone. Cyan could choose to dump him at any time and what would he have left? His sisters since apparently his parents had all but disowned him. He closed his eyes a few moments more before he got to his feet. He would do anything for any one of his sisters though by far was closest to Arwen, since she had always been so dependent on him as a child. She was like his shadow growing up, though unlike most boys he didn't care. And if she was feeling bad come hell or high water he would get to his baby sister and bring her whatever she wanted.

He tugged gently at the bandages covering his wrists, checking to see if the blood had stopped since the night before so he could find some way to cover them. His sisters had begun to catch on to his usual routine of covering his chopped up wrists with terrycloth sweatbands. He bit his lip while he thought, finally deciding that since there was a huge trend for silicone wristbands right now he could layer them and get away with it. He decided he'd layer three on each arm that were meticulously matched with the shirt he was now getting from his closet. The shirt was black, a girl's fit, and had 'Break (red heart)'s Not Breakdowns in white print on the front. He pulled a pair of grey skinny jeans from his closet along with a black and red studded belt and his heart converses.

After taking a shower and blow drying his hair he changed and winced as he slid the bracelets over his wrists. He put in his broken heart earrings and grabbed his Black Veil Brides wallet from the dresser and his keys. He was borrowing one of Cyans parent's spare cars, a pretty black 2009 Charger. He headed towards the movie place first, parking and getting out. He made his way inside and tried to think of what to get. Finally he decided on Repo! The Genetic Opera and Fried Green Tomatoes. He couldn't remember if Arwen ever got to see the former, but he knew they were both suckers for a good romantic-type movie. He payed and headed for the store to pick up tissues and a couple of pints of Eddy's Max icecream. Finally he had arrived at his (old) house and got out.

He made sure his parent's cars were gone then headed up the front steps, getting the spare key and unlocking the front door. He shut the door as quietly as possible and made his way upstairs to Arwen's room. He knocked gently on the door and waited for her to open.

"Arwen, sweetie. It's Nivek, I brought movies and icecream." He said just loud enough that she'd hear him, he was actually really excited to see her.

WORDS;
TAGGED; Brig-la!
OUTFIT; Here!
NOTES; None
LYRICS; Leave A Scar - Marilyn Manson

[arwen winter diesira]

litte ar had been in the middle of resisting to grabbing her razor when she heard her phone go off all the way near her window. she slowly made her way to her window, and picked it up. she saw that it was from her brother, and smiled. she read it, and instanly became just a tad bit happier. for some reason, ar had always depended on her big brother niv. he was the one person to catch her when she was falling, and she knew that. every time after every therapy session, or even fight with one of her parents, she would ask him to come over or even come get her. she probably had stayed at his house a maxium of three times. even know it wasn't techincally his place, but his boyfriend really didn't mind sometimes.

ar always accepted her brother as he was. gay in all. love was love with ar, because she wasn't used to love so much. therefore she accepted all forms of love. she looked to the ground, as she stood there looking out the window. she knew the car, but for some reason, standing there wasn't so appealing right now. she made her way slowly back to her bed, wishing her big brother would come home quickier than ever. she just needed her brother, and some ice cream, and well everything else that she could use. therapy session had been pretty bad today, i mean like always though. the stupid crazy lady always had to talk about something that always brought up bad memories, and it was always her moms fault.

today was the best topic in the world; niv and wicca. wicca had been the oldest of her sisters, and arwen loved her big sister. she seemed to always look up to her in a way, of how she left to be her own. ar wished she had the courage to stand up to everyone, sometimes. just like how wicca did. but ar knew that she didn't have that courage to do so. she looked to the floor as she sat on the bed. she seemed to wonder through her thoughts of the therapy session today. she walked up to the mirror, looking at her reflection in the mirror. she didn't even to bother to fix her eyeliner that had been all messed up around her eyes from the crying.

she seemed to cry way more once she gotten in the car with her mother. she had cursed at her from walking out the session that she payed over two hundred bucks for. but ar felt that she didn't need all this stupid doctor and therapy stuff. but, for some reason, her parents did. she looked at the door once she heard her brother's voice. she stepped up from her bed, and then moved to the door. one ; unlocked. two; unlocked. three; unlocked. now the door. she twisted the lock undone and opened the door to see her brother.

her smile formed on her face as she saw her favorite sibling standing there, her brother. she smiled, and then said" well, i'm so glad i have the best brother in the whole world, niv."

[nivek alestaire diesira]

NEVER FORGET WHAT I LOST
wake me up when september ends

While he waited for Arwen to unlock her door he leaned against the wall in the hallway. He closed his eyes. He was drained of all energy from either just being depressed or the blood loss from the previous night. He wasn't sure if he had subconsiouly cut deep enough in hopes of bleeding to death or if he just did it because his hands had been shaking so bad. A few of them probably could have done with stitches but it wasn't anything major. Besides, he'd survived to live another hellish day. Another day where few wanted him and many condemned him.

He heard the distinctive clicks of each of the locks undoing behind the heavy door. He didn't understand why his baby sister had to lock up everything as tight as Fort Knox, but being the good brother he was he didn't ask. He knew the whole Diesira family were fucked up, it was a well known fact. When the door swung open he saw a look on his little sister's face that made his heart drop into his stomach. She used to be so...full of life and happy and funny. And lately it seems both of them were in a tailspin on the bath of destruction and no one was there to stop them. He smiled a big grin at her when he saw her, holding out his gifts of goodwill.

'well, i'm so glad i have the best brother in the whole world, niv.'

"Aww, Arwen! I'm fortunate that I was given the world's best baby sister. Now I brought Repo! The Genetic Opera and Fried Green Tomatoes. I also brought six flavors of icecream cause I couldn't remember your favorite." He sat down the stuff on Arwen's bed before he turned to her.

His long legs crossed the distance between them in a few steps and he took her into a tight hug. He smiled down at her as he let go, sitting back on her bed so he wasn't so much taller. He bit his lip nervously, unsure of just how to go about asking what had happened at the therapist's office. He knew she never enjoyed it and neither did he when he was forced to go. Therapists were like the CIA, they knew all your shit and weren't afraid to threaten and taunt you with it. He hated Mrs. Koa, some Japanese-American immigrant that had no clue what to do other than scream. It was like visiting a drill sargent.

He patted the bed and loosely drapped an arm around his baby sister's shoulders after she sat down. He hoped she hadn't noticed the unusual ammount of bracelets adorning his thin arms. He didn't need her focusing and worrying about him when she needed to focus on getting herself well. He smiled at her again, his nose wrinkling at the bridge when he did so. He enjoyed spending time with what little of his family didn't hate him. He scooted the stuff over and laid back, his legs draping off of the end of the bed.

"So, how did the visit with the Mental Nazi go? Terrible, I'm sure." He smirked at his own joke, closing his eyes as he folded his arms behind his head.

WORDS; 535
TAGGED; Brig-la!
OUTFIT; Here!
NOTES; None
LYRICS; Wake Me Up When September Ends by Green Day

[arwen winter diesira]

she looked to her brother, smiling. she surely loved him more than anyone in her family. i mean, he was the only one that had stuck around. wistly barely ever paid attention to her, or anyone for that fact. she was off doing her own thing, all the time. either that or she was shut off with her music blaring that it might just shake the house down one of these days. and wicca had gone some where to better her self. but sometimes, when she talked to her in the chat, she barely believed that her sister was any better than before. but, niv, he stayed right here, trying to take care of her, his baby sister.

her smile formed back on her pretty little face and she laughed a bit. she looked at him, and said" you know i'll eat like half of that ice cream too." it was one of her favorite things to eat, actually. she looked at him, and then smiled again" and good choice as in the movies. you sure do know how to pick, bro." as she was brought into the embrance from her brother, she smiled, taking it all in for a minute. even if little ar was completly beyond fixing, she always felt good when her brother was around. he was the one thing in this world that seemed to help, besides dustin. dustin was always the one to pick up ar at the end of the day, when she needed it. she knew that these two boys would be there for her no matter what was the cost.

once the hug was let go, and her brother sat down on her bed, she sat down next to him. she knew that the topic was coming, she took a breath in trying to be brave for herself, and her brother. she layed back down, next to her brother, and then sighed. she hated therapy, she really did. she didn't get the point of all the doctor's and therapist that she had to see. she looked to him, and said" mom basically told the therapist that you should come up in the appointment." she took a breath, and then looked to the ceiling.

she looked back at her brother, and sighed. she loved him so much. no matter what anyone ever said about him, she loved her brother. he was family. isn't that what you were supposed to do love your family? but apparently only niv and ar knew that one, because the rest of them had thier issues with eachother. wicca hated mom and dad, and niv, and wistly never really talked to any of us. but, ar always tried to be the good baby sister, and talk to everyone. she looked to her brother and then added" she had to talk about you, and wicca and wistly. it wasn't a fun appointment."

[nivek alestaire diesira]

NEVER FORGET WHAT I LOST
wake me up when september ends

When she smiled it was like looking into the past. He remembered her being so happy all the time and now... He didn't even want to think about what she might be thinking, considering, doing. He just wanted to enjoy the evening with his favorite sister. He subconsiously rubbed at his arms, feelings of having failed her swimming around in his mind. He didn't want to upset her so smiled instead. He knew she loved icecream, it was one of things they had in common. And living at Cyan's house there wasn't a whole lot to eat since they were both broke. So icecream, for him, was a treat. He laughed when she made the comment about the icecream and narrowed his own eyes playfully, holding up a plastic spoon.

"That means I get the other half! Bwaha! And of course I know how to pick out movies, I've been around you for your entire life, sis!" He laughed and playfully shoved her.

When he had finished the hug and laid back on her bed, thinking how good it was to sleep in a bed. Cyan had been complaining about his snoring so Nivek had been riding the couch for the last few weeks on and off. He felt the pressure of the bed change as Arwen laid down next to him. He closed his eyes listening to her gentle breathing and wishing he was still living at home. When Arwen said that mom had dragged him into it he sighed, his heart thumping. He despised therapists, they'd never done a damn thing to help him with his problems. But if Arwen asked him to, of course he'd go in a heartbeat. He opened his eyes and turned his head so he could look at her.

"Mom always tries to fix everyone else. You'd think she would fix hersel first, but Goddess forbid anything is wrong with her. See, I could see bringing up Wisty and Wicca. Wisty is an antisocial hermit and Wicca pukes up all her food. I dunno why mom brings me up, I suppose just to patronize me some more."

[/b] He sighed to himself, though was trying not to ran too much.[/color]

He rolled onto his side and watched his sister. She seemed like she might have been having problems lately. He glanced down at her wrists quickly and saw new cuts on them. Geez, it made him feel bad for hiding his. Though he hid his scars and cuts for the sake of his sister. He had to be the strong person in the chaotic world she lived in. He couldn't show the slightest bit of insecurity or weakness around her, though that didn't stop him from turning into a blubbering mess occasionally. He played with the bracelets on his wrist as he watched her, his forehead creased in worry.

"Arwen, do you want me to come? If you ask I'll be there in a heartbeat, you know that." He petted the top of her head before he decided that he'd suck it up if she wanted him to go.[/blockquote][/blockquote]

WORDS; 526
TAGGED; Brig-la!
OUTFIT; Here!
NOTES; None
LYRICS; Wake Me Up When September Ends by Green Day

[arwen winter diesira]

the slightly fant smile formed on her face after her brother had spoke. she always knew that her and her big brother had the most in common. i mean, come on, they liked the same things always. but, that's partially because she always spent her time around her brother the most. everyone else had thier own things going on when arwen was growing up, but niv always paid attention to her. for some reason, he gave the time of his day to her. ever since she was little, and able to crawl, she went after her big brother. always as the shadow in a way.

she looked up to the ceiling thinking about everything lately. she had been to two doctors in the last week, both lecturing her about the cutting, but it's not like her mother ever did anything about it actually. she always seemed to manage to get more razors or blades. She never really understood why her mother didn't bother to help more, or anything. but, she didn't. her eyes looked back at him once he spoke about thier mother. she laughed and said" oh, i know. it's all our faults that we're so messed up." she looked down at her wrists, sighing a bit. she felt bad for it, but what could you do?

she looked up to her brother and said" me and wicca... well that's an interesting one there. she went nutso on me in the chat for speaking to a boy." she then thought that maybe niv would of too though. she looked away, sighing. both of her older siblings were so loving, but in different ways. she looked to her brother and then said" sometimes, i feel like i'm a rabit or something, and the doctors are just testing things on me. like what works, and what doesn't to fix someone."


she looked to her brother once he spoke about coming to the therapy session. well, it would beat having her mother in there at times. she sighed, and said" i wouldn't ask you to do that, niv." she looked away down at her wrists again, and then back to her brother. " i know you hate them so much, and i'm starting too, as well. i don't see how it helps me. she doesn't get anything, at all." it was like the lady didn't get what anything a teenager went through at all. she was clueless. she looked to her brother, and said" plus, i think mom would hate that idea."