here i am, i'm trying [ransom]

[amber]

So here I am

Are you ready?

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Amber switched the engine off in her car, just sitting for a few moments at the wheel as she contemplated what was about to happen. Everything up to this point seemed a little wrong- making Ransom believe Amber was just some newbie to town, deceptively getting in touch with her daughter and finding out about her life without letting on her true identity. It almost made it more difficult now to backtrack from her story and tell Ransom the truth. It would make her look like not only a useless and absent mother but also a stalker and a liar. Amber pulled a packet of cigarettes and a lighter out of her bag, playing with them in her hands for a few moments before putting them back, thinking better of the decision. She’d already had a few glasses of wine to calm her nerves-probably too much to be driving right now- and wasn’t so keen on reuniting with her daughter reeking of both smoke and alcohol. Amber grabbed her bag and stepped out of the car, hoisting it onto her shoulder and locking the door to head towards the cafe.

Striding across the road and down the sidewalk, a million and one questions filed Amber’s mind. The chat she’d had with Ransom, whilst the girl was unaware who Amber was, probably provided the most true indication of the girl’s feelings and this left Amber with decidedly mixed emotions. The selfless part of her was glad that the two of them had moved on without Amber, that Victor had gone on to be something great and that Ransom had been brought up well and seemed to want for nothing, not even now a mother. That was what she had hoped for when she left after all, that without her holding them back that the two loves of her life would have a better chance than if she was around. Yet Amber’s heart still ached for the fact that she was wasn’t wanted or needed, that Ransom-understandably- thought her mother was a bitch who simply wasn’t required in her life anymore. Amber didn’t expect to be welcomed back with open arms but she still had hoped, deep down, that her daughter would want to see her.

Amber opened the door to the cafe, pausing for a few seconds to consider whether this was even a good idea. She could easily back out right now, drive out of this town and leave Ransom to live her life completely unaware of the implications of what today could have been. It seemed the kinder thing to do when considering that the girl seemed to be coping just fine as she was-waltzing in and revealing all would undoubtedly bring turmoil to poor Ransom’s relatively stable life and it didn’t guarantee to bring her any happiness in exchange. Yet after fifteen long years and coming now so close to meeting her little blonde haired, blue eyed baby again, Amber wasn’t sure that she could just turn and run. She took a deep sigh and went up to the counter, ordering herself a coffee and taking it to one of the empty tables to wait for Ransom. Just like her original decision to leave, Amber was completely unsure whether this decision to return was for her own sake or for Ransom’s. Despite liking to believe that she was only after the best for her child, Amber couldn’t shake off the feeling that most decisions she made were for far more selfish reasons.

[ransom]

Ransom kissed each of her pups goodbye before running out of the house. She was supposed to be meeting Amber at the café soon, and she had taken an abnormally long time to straighten her hair and get ready. She sighed, getting into her mustang. No it wasn’t a brand new one, she had asked for a used one on purpose, even if her dad could afford it she didn’t want him spending thousands of dollars on something she was quite likely to get bored with and exchange later for something else. Ransom started the car, putting it in gear, she wasn’t always happy she drove a standard but she did enjoy it some of time, like on the occasion she would race her car.

Ransom was nervous about meeting this woman, she had asked her a lot of personal questions, questions she wasn’t quite interested in answering but had done so anyways. How was this lady supposed to have anything to do with her mother? Her mother had abandoned her and her father when she was still a baby, Ransom had never even seen a picture of her and it was a sore topic with her father. But her father was starting to date again, on the occasions he wasn’t on call at the hospital which seemed only to be her birthday and holidays.

Ransom pulled up to the café, parking her car and putting a few coins in the meter. She walked inside spotting Amber rather quickly. She ordered a soy latte before joining Amber at the table she sat at. ”Hello, I’m Ransom, but I think you already know that.” She smiled lightly to the older woman, giving the barista a polite smile when she brought the latte to her table, ”Thank you.” she said softly. For standing at only five foot one, Ransom carried herself tall and had a rather large presence.


click for outfit

[amber]

So here I am

Are you ready?

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Amber watched as Ransom walked into the cafe, her lips forming into a proud smile as she finally got to see her baby again. Except she wasn’t much of a baby anymore-Ransom had blossomed over these years into a beautiful and visibly confident young lady. Suddenly Amber felt tears creeping in, the overwhelming amount of feelings that had been bundled up for all these years seeming to form an emotional explosion inside her mind. Watching her daughter approach the table, Amber gulped back the tears and flashed her a slightly nervous smile. She’d acted oddly enough already towards this girl who considered her a stranger, bursting into tears in front of her would surely send Ransom running for the hills.

“It’s lovely to see you again Ransom” Amber said softly, the emotion still somewhat audible in her voice. It was a risky comment, floating between a simple comment about their earlier chatroom meeting and a full confession about her true identity. Amber studied her daughter as she walked up to the table and sat down, the memories coming flooding back. It had been fifteen years since she last saw Ransom but in some ways she hadn’t changed at all. She’d been a perfect baby, absolutely stunning, and her bright blonde hair and icy blue eyes were still just as beautiful as they had been when she was little. Amber was well aware though that despite Ransom still looking just the same as she had when she was little, this was probably the only thing which had remained the same. Their relationship had changed so much that it would probably never be fixable. Ransom had been such an adoring baby, looking up to Amber like all babies do to their mothers with eyes full of love and trust. Amber would never get that back now- as soon as she revealed the truth, she figured the only look she would be receiving would be one of shock and hatred. She’s ruined it all, ruined the best thing she’d had in her life for the opportunity of drunken fun and cheap fumbles. It was sickening, even more so now she was staring directly at her beautiful daughter and knowing all the hurt she had caused.

“So, where is a good place for a girl to get a manicure around here? My nails are wrecked..” Amber began, her voice tailing off as her lips began to quiver and hot tears suddenly started to roll down her cheeks. This was too tough, making ridiculous small talk like strangers with the daughter she had pined for so badly for fifteen years. ”I’m sorry” she whispered, realising she did now look like a complete nutjob as more tears began to flow. ”I’m so sorry Ransom”. She was sorry for the tears but more than that she was sorry for being such a rubbish mother. Ransom wasn’t to know about the second part though, not quite yet.

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[ransom]

Ransom was getting slightly weirded out by this woman but put it behind her. Just because her eyes were a little watery and she had used the word again meant nothing. She might just have something in her eye and was referring to the their chat online. Ransom smiled politely at her, taking a long sip of her drink. Ransom thought about a good place to get her nails done. She had hers done on a regular basis, but usually changed salons every now and then. She got tired of the same asian women talking about her in another language.

"I like LA Nails the best, they seem to be really knowledgeable at what they are doing." She replied softly. Her voice never got too loud, unless she was yelling at Owen or the pups, then she could scream, but neither happened often for her. Ransom caught the woman's words and stared at her. Sorry? What on Earth could she possibly be sorry for? Ransom was stunned by her statements and didn't quite know how to respond but to pat her hand gently while she cried.

[amber]

Feeling Ransom’s soft hands on her own brought back even more memories for Amber of the little tiny pink bundle which clutched so tightly onto her finger when she was born. Amber loved that, the tight squeeze of her daughter’s hand holding protectively onto her finger. The day Ransom was born had been the happiest of her life and the thoughts of her and Victor smiling down so proudly on this beautiful girl they had brought into the world would stay clear in her mind forever. Things after all hadn’t stayed that happy for very long and so those few precious moments of love between their little family were ones which Amber treasured dearly. It was as if nothing else mattered that day, Victor and Amber were the luckiest people alive and Ransom was the most perfect baby they could ever have asked for. Amber felt herself smiling through the tears, wondering why life couldn’t just stay so easy and happy forever. Why did everything have to get confused and messed up?

Rubbing her spare hand across her cheeks, Amber directed her smile at Ransom, appreciative of the slightly uneasy care she showed towards this apparent stranger. Amber gulped back the tears, realising that this deceit couldn’t continue for much longer. It wasn’t fair to Ransom to make herself out to be a stranger. She was probably the most vilified woman in Ransom’s life and yet they sat here discussing manicures. It was wrong, Amber knew it was wrong, but going from polite strangers to mother and daughter was a huge leap. ”I haven’t been honest with you Ransom” she began tentatively, pulling her hand away to begin to root through her bag. She avoided eye contact as she rummaged for her purse and pulled it out, replacing the bag on the floor and looking at the table with the purse in her hands.

”I know sorry will never make up for things but I truly am” she said softly, her voice full of emotion. Amber opened up her purse slowly and pulled out a small picture, placing it facing Ransom on the table and sliding it towards her. The picture which had never left her side for fifteen years- the only picture she took of Ransom when she had left. It showed the girl on her first birthday party, sat up in her highchair and giving a naughty grin at the camera, her face absolutely smeared with cake. Her hands were also covered with the sweet and sticky icing and she clapped them together proudly at the massive mess she had created. It made Amber smile every time she looked at it, her cheeky little girl looking absolutely happy and content before her world had come crashing down so cruelly around her. They said that a picture told a thousand words but this one only lied. One could easily assume from the snap that everything was perfect in their lives but even by Ransom’s first birthday, things had gone rapidly downhill. Amber had actually been there for the party but most of the rest of her time was spent passed out from alcohol or drugs on different people’s floors, desperately trying to claw back her previous carefree life whilst leaving Victor to care for their child. ”You were the most beautiful baby” she smiled sadly, looking now straight at Ransom and waiting for the reaction.

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