home is where the heart is (Eli!)

[sophia riley allen]

Sophia sat with her hands tightly gripped on the steering wheel of her car, biting her lip in anticipation. She had been in Lipton for two or three days and knew that she had to face up and return to her family, but she was dreading the return. Her absence had been lengthy and with barely any contact, except for when she left. Even then she had only called her parents, and her message had been very short. This was worse then any stunt she had pulled off in her high school days, when she had been quite the troublemaker. At least she always met well, but now was different. No way was she going to be able to tell about the murder she committed. Though no one knew it was a murder. Most everyone just thought it was a tragic accident, him falling down the stairs of their apartment. She felt a wave of nausea and guilt at the thought, and slowly pushed the door open.

She stepped out and closed the car door. Process, she figured, though she still had to walk up the path to the house and be confronted by her parents. She took in a deep breath and exhaled, stretching her fingers and finally, finally, walking up to the door. She loved her family more then she could possibly say, but she was worried; what if she caved and told her darkest secret? What if her family doesn't except her? These questions had been wandering through her mind since she left- now it was time for them to be answered. She feebly knocked on the door, and after a few anxious moments the door swung open.
"Hey mom...."

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Sophia sat in the living room she knew very well, sitting across where her mother and father who sat on the couch. Her father had hugged her tightly, her mother had cried. After what seemed half an our of reuniting Her father gave her the lecture of her life, but they yet said anything about disowning her or something else so drastic. She took this as a good sign, though she still had her brothers to meet with. Speaking of which, Eli and Reed should be returning home soon, or so she noticed as she checked the clock on the wall. There was no guarantee Reed would come home right away, he had a habit of straying, though there was a better chance Eli might. Eli. Her youngest brother, and whom she considered an absolute sweetheart. She fretted his reaction along with the others as she sat there chatting with her parents, who were still switching in between excited statements of joy of their only daughters return and strict, hurt lectured of her disappearing.

WORDS! dunna
TAGGED! For Lizzie w/ Eli
OUTFIT! click!
LYRICS! i should tell you, rent obc
NOTES! Nada <(')
CREDIT! KENNATRONIC @ caution 2.0

[elijah samuel allen]

Balancing his books in his arms Eli closed his locker with his foot heading outside, when his older sister left Eli was depressed and anyone who knew him well enough could see that. What they couldn’t see was Eli use to be a cutter, and when he finally came clean about that he worried a lot of people. His family the most, he stopped now but there was always the little piece of him that always thought of going back to it when times got hard. When his sister just left, he almost panicked. Sophia, his only sister and the only person in his family that he honestly dubbed normal half the time, not that his brothers weren’t normal, no he loved his brothers. He just didn’t always feel like he belonged in his family, Eli was an honors student. Taking honors Math, Literature, History, Biology, and any music courses he could handle.

Eli was basically a geek, into computers and music. He didn’t really mind what people said about him anymore either, people actually tended to leave him alone normally now and the people who didn’t he just didn’t let them really bother him. At least he didn’t anymore, he did want to live and he wanted to stop worrying people too. Heading home he glanced at the sidewalk thinking, it’s been a long time since he saw his sister and he was really worried. Why didn’t she tell them she was leaving, well at least tell him and why didn’t she keep in contact. He was just left wondering and walking into the house, “mom dad I’m home. Reed is god knows where” he called walking into the room blinking when he saw Sophia sitting there. “S-Sophia” he mumbled in his surprised rubbing his eyes to make sure he wasn’t just seeing things, coming to the conclusion this was real he shook his head unsure what to think.

To be honest he was really pretty mad, she left for so long and let everyone worry about her only to just now come back. No, he wasn’t going to just go ahead and forgive her that quickly, “wh-what are you d-doing here” he added stuttering in his shock. She really had a lot of explaining to do, and even that wasn’t going to be enough. “Making us all w-worrying about you, and then you just come here” he sat his books on the coffee table.

[sophia riley allen]

Sophia bit her lip in anticipation, fidgeting with the hem of her dress nervously. Maybe she should have talked to her parents around the time her brothers left for school, but she had been so excited about coming home she hadn’t thought of it. She knew her brothers where going to have to know some way, but she felt like having her brothers walk in on her there was going to be quite a surprise...and surprises triggered all sorts of emotions. Their parents were going back into a lecture, which Sophia nodded to but only partly listened. Each word they spoke aloud stung her, but she was just surprise they weren’t shouting at her. Almost, but not quite.

As if the mere thought of Eli could summon him, he walked through the door. She stiffened, feeling like she had been caught red handed. She felt awkward sitting, so she stood up and walked around the coffee table to stand near her brother, watching cautiously- she was afraid that the nervousness would make her stumble. She didn’t run up to him in a hug, though she wanted nothing more than to do so. She loved all her brothers, but she had always been able to relate to Eli somehow. With Brandon it was because they were the two eldest, which meant they bonded a lot over things Eli and Reed were still grasping or not quite old enough to experience. She loved Reed because he was just so...Reed. No other way to put it. And Eli, Sophia could relate to so many things he was going through, and she adored his personality.

She bit her lip again as she spoke. His question would take quite a lot of explaining to do. She rubbed her arms. “Eli....lets go talk in the kitchen” she said, looking back at her parents, her mother merely nodded. They had heard everything they needed to, now it was Elis turn to receive an explanation. She wondered if he'd agree to go somewhere else to talk to her, if he was disgusted with her for her actions. Sophia felt weighed down by the guilt, and there was no doubt he youngest sibling was mad at her.

[elijah samuel allen]

When Sophia left it was really hard for Eli not to be upset and even harder for him not to be worried. That was his sister, and her not being around and not even contacting him for that matter. It was bound to bring a lot of thoughts to mind, Eli’s main thought was really just what happened to her or at least what could have happened to her. His fear was that she was hurt or something. Watching his parent worry was any easier on him, if anything it only made things worse. It was almost the same kind of worrying that occurred when he finally came clean about his cutting. He hated the looks, the very sound of his parent’s voices. He hated it, but it almost made him mad at Sophia. How could someone go and leave that that, he didn’t know. He knew he would never do a thing like that though, leave his friends and family like that. He just couldn’t do that, and he almost hated Sophia for doing it to him. No! How dare she do it to him, when he came to her with so much? He almost felt betrayed, Sophia betrayed him and now here she was standing there now right by him and he had no idea how to react.

Of course he was glad that she was back, she was still his sister but she still left. Looking at his parents, his mother who would leave so many messages just trying to get a hold of Sophia and his father who was very worried as well he sighed. He knew just what worrying his parents was like, from experience and seeing it from a different angle he knew just how horrible it really was. When it came to his cutting, he just really need help and people to understand that it wasn’t just a cry for attention, if anything it was a sign to show that he needed help and he got that help. Sophia on the other hand, she just left no explanation and no goodbyes. Hearing her words he just nodded walking into the kitchen pulling his jacket off throwing it on a nearby chair glancing at his arms, he wore short sleeves a lot more now since all that was left was the scars on his arms and memories of that past he honestly wished he could forget.

Glancing at Sophia again he just shook his head, not sure what to say and not sure what to do. “So talk” he mumbled crossing his arms over his chest, she really had a lot of explaining to do just to make him even a little loess mad at her. “I want an explanation” yes Eli did act much like an adult sometimes.

[sophia riley allen]

Sophia felt sick with guilt. She was technically an adult, but she never felt like such a child, standing here under the confrontation of her youngest brother. When did she become so emotional? Filled with worry, guilt, dread, anticipation, and deep down; anger. She wasn’t angry at her family, she expected the lectures and the tears upon her return, she was angry with herself, and Kris. She’d been very resentful towards her ex, and to think she had thoughts once ago that if Kris were to ever leave her shed be happy. Unfortunately her conflicting emotions were anything but happy, though sometimes the thought of Kris rotting in hell wasn’t a bad one, though she often scolded herself for thinking like that. She wasn’t a monster, and didn’t plan on becoming one, despite her past sin.

Soph walked behind Eli to the kitchen, noticing the light scars on his arms. She looked away. She recalled the evening she had with him, when he finally told her he was cutting. She had been so wrapped up in her own problems she hadn’t even bothered to pause and think about Elijahs habits. Not to say she didn’t think of him, she thought of her family almost every day she was away. Judging the way he almost casually bared his arms she figured that he may have quite his cutting habits.

So walked by a kitchen counter slowly, leaning against the edge while rubbing the back of her neck awkwardly. She noticed how Elis posture and manner was very mature, and she suddenly remembered she was not a child. She was nineteen going on twenty, for goodness sakes, but frankly she felt like a 15 year old again. So fidgeted a little, fixing her eyes on a streak of light that pour from the kitchen window, a oath of light on the floor “Im sorry” she muttered, not exactly talking to anyone. She shook her head a little before saying, rather timidly “Im sure you read the news...or heard about Kris’s....passing” in the newspapers and local news channel his death had been deemed as an accident. No one expected Soph, an easily likable girl whom knew just about everyone in the small town, to be the killer. She paused again. “I-I guess I panicked when it happened. I wasn’t thinking when I left I just...I just couldn’t stay here any longer” she said the last part quietly, and before Eli could reply she said “and I know I should have called, or anything. That was wrong, and I don’t have a reason for doing it. I just didn’t” she said that with a sort of self-disgusted tone.

[elijah samuel allen]

Eli had a lot of bad habits in the past, and of his worst was the habit of keeping things to his self in till they really just got out of hand. That was really the case with his cutting and the people who were bullying him in his school; it started out as a simple thing, just a few kids who were giving him a hard time. Something he honestly could have easily handled on his own, it was only when things got a lot worse he decided to go to his own methods of dealing with it. The death threats he used to always get scared him, which was maybe why he never told anyone. He was afraid of what people might have done to him if he ever did tell, but he knew after some time it was time to finally come clean and the people who use to bully him so horribly were expelled.

School was actually a lot safer for him now, which was actually why he stopped cutting now. He just really found no reason too, and looking at Sophia he honestly felt like his father. As he stood there his arms tightly crossed, and since he looked so much like his father, some people said he was a split image of his father when he was younger he sighed. “comment pouvez-vous dire simplement que vous êtes désolé” he said in anger letting French instead of English escape his lips, due to countless French lessons and his love of foreign things. What he said was really, how can you just say you’re sorry. No if she was sorry she would have just, she would have said something to him before now. Even if it was last week, so he knew she was okay.

“Yeah I know, he died” Eli mumbled honestly not all that remorseful. The guy was just a dick anyways, “what so you let us all freaking worry about you Sophia. God, you weren’t the one that had to watch mom call you constantly on the phone trying to get a hold of her only daughter. You didn’t have to watch dad pacing while mom did so, because he was too stressed out to do much else. Y-You weren’t the one worrying all the time, when you left I needed you. I needed my sister; you remember just how I was. God, I was still cutting back then and then you just left. I told you so much, and you just leave” Eli’s tone was one of hurt and anger. “vous avez quitté” he mumbled clenching his fists.

[sophia riley allen]

Sophia had never really had bad habits before she left, besides the pill addiction from so many years before. She hadn’t even picked up anything, though she learned to dread sleep because it was never easy for her, and she had to almost give up her painting hobby completely. There wasn’t really anytime for it while on the road; the only time she really stopped to do so was when she needed to earn some quick cash and used her artwork to get it. She had always been admit she would not sell her artwork before, since it was more to her then just a painting, but became desperate, and had not many other choices. Soph had also given up on college upon leaving, though she had been very excited about joining the medical career. Her whole entire life in Lipton had been put on hold when she left, she realized. Though she hated to have given up so many things she had loved before, she was honestly glad that Eli had given up cutting.

She didn’t know what he said, not knowing he had even known another language. She felt a slightly puzzled look creep onto her face, but didn’t dwell on it. She probably didn’t want to know it anyways. Sophia flinched a little as Eli stated, unremorsefully, that he was aware of Kris’s death. If only Eli knew that his older sister, who was standing by the counter just across from him, was the killer. She had a feeling him knowing that would tear him apart, which was a huge reason why she didn’t plan on telling anybody. Everyone was happy thinking that Kris’s death was an accident, and she didn’t plan on interrupting that ignorant happiness. Despite her much the guilt tore at her, she just couldn’t bring herself to turn herself in, and was slightly ashamed for being a coward, and couldn’t help but remember that tragic night and her ex’s past beatings. She had to tell herself that was all in the past, and right now she was here with Eli.

Sophia saw frustrated tears blur her vision, but held them back. She just wanted Eli to understand that she still cared for her family, to understand why she left, but knew there was no way he could. She probably screwed up their relationship, and was growing angry at both Eli for scolding her (even though she knew it was silly to be mad at him) and at herself for getting herself into this predicament. She clenched her fist and crossed her arms across her chest. She didn't want to fight with Eli, and knew she had what was coming to her, but she couldn't help but feel like she had to defend herself. "I was worried Eli" she said, steadying her voice "I worried and thought about all of you every day I was gone" she gritted her teeth "Do you think I was off having the time of my life? Partying and totally ignorant to the worry that was here while I was gone?" it took a lot for Sophia to keep her voice steady. Was she fighting with Eli? It was almost unheard of, the two never argued or fought, they always had a decent relationship.

[elijah samuel allen]

Eli only really bad habit and after keeping things to his self his worst was his cutting, he started cutting when he about thirteen and he was almost surprised that no one ever noticed it. The signs were there, sure he was always a pretty shy kid, quiet, but he was never as unhappy as he use to be, and his writing always had a dark, depressing edge to it. For all that time he was suffering in secret, and it was slowly killing him. That was the biggest reason why he came clean to his family, fear of taking things too far and he didn’t want that. Now he had his writing to turn too, and people who read his writing knew he had talent. Eli was a really smart kid, smarter than most kids his age. At least the kids he knew his age, some of them were so immature. Eli’s form of immature differed from other people’s views though since Eli tended to have an odd way of thinking sometimes, people tended to see Eli as a mature teenager which for some people was just lame. Eli wasn’t afraid to admit it, he could be pretty lame sometimes and he knew it.

He could be pretty lame sometimes, he was even a nerd and he wasn’t trying to deny. Learning a new language was just something decided to do too pass some time he had after school, and he used what he knew to his advantage. “It’s French” noticing his sister’s puzzled expression he sighed, yes he knew most people would have no idea he knew any words in French let alone phrases. Looking at Sophia he just tried to remember when was the last time he saw her before she left, it seemed like years ago even though it was only months ago. Then she left, shortly after Kris died it appeared. He was honestly one of the last to really know of his death, not that it mattered anymore. The guy was dead and that was that, Eli didn’t know what to think when it came to it either. Sure death was never a good thing, but Kris use to hurt his sister and that wasn’t good either.

Eli was young, no matter how mature he was and that wasn’t going to change and when he was unhappy or upset he wasn’t going to listen to what anyone said. “How am I supposed to know, you left without a goodbye, without anyone really even knowing you left. You were always the person I turned to when I needed someone to turn to, and me being how unhappy as I was. When you left, I only got worse, to the point where I did go get help and that’s why I don’t cut anymore. Sophia I just, I needed my big sister and she wasn’t there” Eli said quietly looking down at all the faded scars. He really had so many scars, l up and down his arm and when people saw them they did judge him but that didn’t matter anymore. He really just needed to get his confidence back and his self esteem too.

[sophia riley allen]

Sophia bit back angry, guilty tears. Her hands balled into fists once again as she tried not to cry. No, she had cried way to much while she lived with her abusive ex, she wasn't going to allow herself to appear so weak again. Nevertheless, she did feel extremely bad for running away, and for the first time in months, not why she was running, but who she was running from. Home, family, friends, the only safe place she had ever really knew. All because of a horrid thing she did to a man she had given everything to. For what must be the thousandth time since her absence, she cursed Kris's very existence while he had been on this Earth.

Sophia dismissively waved off the French topic. Thats not what she was here for. No, Eli's next choice of words were very on topic, though she suddenly wanted to be talking about anything but her absence. She wanted to gather Eli in her arms and apologize, to be able to continue on with life as if she had never left at all. However, she felt it would be useless to continually apologize, even if the words sat on her tongue and made it hard to swallow.

She was lost for words. What could she possibly say? At this point, she wondered if it would be better if she just walked away, climb back in her car, and found somewhere else to stay. Although that wouldn't be near as productive as sorting out their problems, it would be a hell of a lot easier. Finally, she spoke, more calmly this time "What do you want me to say, Eli? I swear, I would do anything to make things right again" she hoped she didn't sound as desperate as she felt. It had taken a lot not to snap at Eli for not understanding, but yet again, how could he? How would he respond if he knew his sister, who was standing few feet away from him, killed her ex? Abusive or not, she knew it shouldn't have come down to that. It was me or him she thought, but those words gave her little comfort, if any.

[elijah samuel allen]

Eli was honestly pretty much on the verge of snapping right now, he was never really mad at anyone but you knew when he was and right now he was pretty mad at his sister. She waited this long to finally come back, and Eli found it impossible to just go ahead and forgive her that easily. It was just way too hard to just go and forget that she went and left everyone worrying about her for so long and didn’t even say goodbye, what was so horrible that she couldn’t say goodbye to her own family. Her family, did that mean nothing to her, did that fact that everyone was so worried about her for all this time that she couldn’t even tell them that she was doing alright. Eli unclenched his fists before uncrossing his arms, “I don’t know okay Sophia” Eli mumbled staring down at the ground his tone bitter. He really didn’t have much to say to her, all that really could be said was said and he made his point clear right off the bat.

Eli was for the most part pretty mad at his older sister, and that would never change. He also didn’t know the real reason why she left though, and if he did he would honestly be shocked. His sister was still his sister though, and he really did wish things could be the way they were before. “Soph you’re my sister, that’s never going to change” Eli sighed a little bite biting his lip for a moment. “I just, I’m really surprised to see you back I guess. I thought you just abandoned your family or something, that we meant nothing to you anymore. That well I meant nothing to you anymore, I mean I didn’t want to believe that but really I just. I really didn’t know because you weren’t there, and you not being there. It just, it tends to bring up a lot of assumptions even though they may just all be totally false” Eli tried to make his words make sense but it was nearly impossible for him to since he was speaking so quickly. He felt that maybe she’d leave again, “you won’t leave again right” he had to ask? He really did hope she wouldn’t. Her leaving the first time was just bad enough.