What Have I Become? Kassias' Plotter

[kassias ester gentova]

...I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel...

[/font]

KASSIASesterGENTOVA
Seventeen. Senior. Straight. Single. Suicidal. Heroin Addict. Violent. angry. depressed. self destructive.
THEME SONG - Hurt by Nine Inch Nails
...I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real...[/font][/size][/center]

☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠[/b]

...The needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting...

Kassias Ester Genova was the first born child of high school students Kelly Harris and Mark Genova. The couple were a junior and senior respectively when Kelly became pregnant. Of course, as most teen parents they had many obstacles to overcome. Though there was the ostracizing from Kelly's parents and the mocking of the kids her age the two made it. Kelly gave birth to a happy, healthy baby girl on November 14th. The couple even got married a few weeks after Kelly's 18th birthday. Kelly and Mark seemed as happy as any two people could be. In fact, they were so happy to be a family that they added another little girl named Katie to their family two years later via adoption, she was eighteen months younger than Kassias.

At the young age of three Kassias began exhibiting signs of a temper. Most young children have their meltdowns, but Kass' became utter fits of rage and violence. Kassias would hit children, bite them, kick her teachers. She hurt everyone else around her except her sister Katie. This was the routine all throughout her elementary years and her first year of middle school. At the age of twelve she began smoking pot with a group of friends. It seemed to seriously chill her out and the violence became nearly nonexistant. Kass also began singing and playing guitar with a punk band, adopting the a punkish goth look and lifestyle in the process. Despite all this she continued to be extremely close to her sister Katie who began looking up to her sister as a role model. She began immitating her look and smoking pot and drinking like her sister.

The next year her life changed dramatically. Kass was introduced to heroin at a friend's house one night. She immediately decided she needed to try it. The feeling she got was sheer euphoria and joy. But as soon as she came down she felt depressed and demanded another shoot up. This began a long, harrowing road of addiction and destruction for Kass. Her grades dropped, she began fighting and became violent again when she hadn't had her fix. She started stealing from stores and her parents and selling things for the money to afford to shoot up. She shared needles with people and used all the money she made with gigs with her band to pay for her habit. Her drinking and pot smoking increased. She became withdrawn from everyone she loved and got into relationships with violent, explosive guys. Katie came to her and begged her sister to let her know what was going on. Finally, Kass broke down and told her sister about her habit when she was fifteen. But Katie stopped listening after Kass explained the euphoric effects of the heroin. Kass explained that she loved heroin and that she was an addict. But the message throughout the confession was pretty much that heroin was amazing.

The next afternoon she tagged along with Kass while she bought up some heroin. Katie begged and begged her big sister to let her try it. In the end Kass relented and shot her sister up. Just as promised Katie felt euphoric and totally untouchable. Kass was there to care for her when she came down off the high, and the sisters began shooting up together regularly. It was a weird, desctructive bonding experience for the sisters. Though Kass was able to get by well enough with her heroin habit Katie became out of control. She was doing more and more behind Kass' back for sexual favors. She did anything to get to her next fix. Kass watched as her sister spiraled out of control, and did her best to try to get Katie to quit. A strain fell on the sisters as Kass continued to shoot up while telling her little sister to stop.

A year later to the day of the beginning of Katie's addiction tragedy struck. Kass and Katie had gone to a friend's house to shoot up, the friend being away for the weekend and leaving them the keys. A week drug binge ended with Katie and Kass laughing and watching TV. Suddenly Katie said she didn't feel good and fell to the floor. She went into a seizure and Kass raced to help her. Katie died in her sister's arms that day. Her sister whom she loved with all her heart. She tried to shake her sister and wake her...but all she recieved was her sister looking at her, gasping for breath and saying "Kass, don't blame yourself. I will always love you. Tell mom and dad I'm sorry..". She died. Kass had been responsible for her sister's death. She cried and wailed and did everything she could to try to revive her sister. Kass spent hours sitting alone in that now empty house. Then she called the police. She explained to the 9-1-1 operator that her sister wasn't responsive and she thought she had overdosed. The cops and paramedics arrived and pronounced dead at the scene. Kass was arrested for possession of drug paraphenalia and spent a year in juvie for the charges. At the age of sixteen she was released.

Kass enrolled in Lipton High once more and tried to throw herself into school. One evening a few months later after shooting up she broke down after coming off the high. She knew she'd killed her sister. She was a failure and deserved to die. Kass stood up and walked into the laundry room where she proceeded to get the bottle of Clorox. She grabbed a cup from the kitchen and made sure her parents weren't home. Kassias headed into the bathroom and sat in the floor. She wrote a suicide note letting her parents know she was the one who began Katie on heroin and was responsible for her death. That she couldn't live without her sister and deserved to die. Kassias drank cup after cup of Clorox. Her mom came home and found Kass barely breathing in the bathroom floor, the bottle of bleach spilled all over the floor. Kass' mom called 9-1-1 and she awoke to see her parents faces swimming above her, the suicide note in her father's hand.

The next thing Kass remembered was waking up in the hospital with tubes and IVs stuck in her arms. A steady beeping let her know she was in the hospital. The doctors had managed to pump her stomach in time to save her. Though her voice was questionable...her throat had so much damage they weren't sure she'd ever speak again. Kass lived in that hospital for three months while they continued to check her internal organs for damage. After she was released she was immediately taken into care of the local mental asylum. Kassias spent another three months locked away until they were sure she wasn't going to kill herself again. After she was released she was enrolled in school and forced to live a somewhat normal life. Though Kassias continued to shoot up and her parents continued to cry whenever they looked at her or tell her they hated her. Her life was a wreck. No one knows that Kass is still suicidal over the death of her sister... and that she cuts herself whenever she comes down off of a high because all she can think about then is her sister.

...try to kill it all away
but I remember everything...

☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠[/b]

...What have I become
my sweetest friend...

People tend to assume that because of Kass' personality she would wear lots of leather and spikes and dye her hair crazy colors. Part of this is true; she does favor leather jackets and studs, but at the same time she doesn't dress like a true 'punk. Lately her wardrobe has dramatically mellowed out as she has taken up wearing simpler clothes. She favors jeans and tees with her cropped leather jacket. Instead of the 5" spike heels she used to wear, she now wears 4" ones that are rather bland or some sort of boot.

Kassias does experiment with her hair though. Often it's kept just below her chin in self-cut, shaggy, unever layers. Though for special occassions or whenever she wants a change she will let it grow out just enough to do a fauxhawk with it. It's always black, though. Kassias' eyes are a very pale blueish-green color. They're normally framed in dark/smoky makeup. She often wears bright red lipstick or some dark-plum colored lipstick.

She has a few distingushing features of course; she has several tattoos the main one being a jolly roger flag with 'fuck you' written around it. She also has ner nose and lip pierced. And there's the scarring on her wrists and lower arms. And the new cuts that appear on occasion.

...Everyone I know
goes away in the end...

☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠[/b]

...you could have it all
my empire of dirt...

Kass seems like a wild and violent girl, which for the most part she is, but there's a deeper soul inside this girl. Yes, she is prone to violent outbursts and has the anger of a thousand raging bulls. In fact she's gotten arrested a few times for being involved in assault or fights. Whenever Kass doesn't get her fix or comes down off of a particularly bad batch of heroin she becomes a whirlwind of rage. And rarely does she keep her rage in check, earning her a lot of enemies.

But Kass is hurting. Inside her own head she keeps replaying the night her sister overdosed on heroin. Her little, adoptive sister died in her arms that night. And why does she feel so sad? Because Kass was the one who got her addicted to heroin. They decided to do a little sisterly bonding and it turned into an addiction for Katie. Katie, unlike her sister, became completely out of control and went on terrible binges. Kass blames herself for her sister's death and is depressed and suicidal because of two things; she is at fault and she's continuing to do drugs because she's addicted. A few months later she actually tried to kill herself by drinking Clorox. This has severely damaged her vocal chords. Because of this she carries around a notepad to write down things to people. It's extremely rare she even makes an effort to speak. She's going to die eventually, so why bother?

...I will let you down
I will make you hurt...

☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠[/b]

...I wear this crown of shit
Upon my liar's chair...

Kass isn't a really friendly person. In fact, she's pretty much a total loner. She'll have friends from her drug use and connections with other addicts and dealers. I'd like for her to eventually warm up to a someone and have a friend.

PLOT AWAY!

...full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair...

☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠[/b]

...Beneath the stains of time
the feelings dissapear...

I can see Kassias having a lot of enemies. She's violent, angry, a loner. Definitely would have a lot of them.

PLOT AWAY!

...You are somewhere else
I am still right here...

☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠[/b]

...Who have I become
my sweetest friend..

Right now Kass doesn't even bother to think about love. She doesn't think about loving someone or being intimate with anyone. I'd like for there to be a guy she befriends who has cancer and teaches her about loving life. But he eventually goes through chemo and she develops a love for him. And he will beat it and then she realizes love does exist. In the process she will learn to let go of her sister's hold on her.

PLOT AWAY!

...You could have it all, my empire of dirt
I will let you down, I will make you hurt..

☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠[/b]

...If I could start again, a million miles away
I would keep myself, I would find a way...

[/color]